Empty

Empty

Do you know the feeling when you don’t have the energy to stand up and do something?

I’m not talking about being physically weak, I’m talking about the time when you feel just Empty inside.

 

When you know that life could be better, if you would get up and do something about it, but still you don’t move. Actually it’s not about “you don’t move”, in the situation which I’m talking about, “you cannot move”.

Even if you try to get up, your mind paralyses your whole body and drags you down again and again, and then at the end of the day, it makes you feel miserable about yourself.

You don’t know the reason why is it happening, you just feel like a lost soul wandering around without a purpose. This is not existential crisis, as in this situation you know you have to live, work, hustle and enjoy for the sake of the life you have been given. But yet again, even after knowing all this, you don’t feel like doing an effort to work, because somewhere in the back of your mind you feel you know that it doesn’t matter how much work you put in, as you are going to fail anyway.

At times there’s a sudden motivation in you, to make it all alright again. But then you come across with something that you “think” is the practical truth of life.

The growing competition around, the expectations of your loved ones from you, even your own expectation from yourself, the fear of failure, cross your mind and then the brutal past  hits you hard right on your face, enhancing  the power of this unfathomable situation that now, it kicks your ass off again and drag you down even more. Drag you down to the extent where you first feel like your drowning into your own thoughts, then there is this moment you see a ray of hope when people around you who see you in this situation offer to help, console you and try to talk you out of it. But then there are times when they just let you go thinking that it would be best for you. But they don’t realize that when they let you go, you hit the rock bottom. And now you know you’re dying inside but you don’t care anymore. You don’t feel anything, anymore.

 

You know how one of the popular near death time theory states that, when you know you’re dying, your brain takes you back to the very first memory of yours and lets you catch a quick glimpse of your whole life till now or you can say a quick flashback of all the events that had taken place once in your life, run through your mind.

This is what happens when you know you’re stuck in the vast universe of guilt and hopelessness.

At this point, you lack your thinking ability. But in the back of your mind, you still feel that “there has to be a way out”.

To anyone who has ever gone through this situation or ever will, just remember one thing,

“When you hit rock bottom, the only way to go is up”.

For your own sake, just try to think about the younger version of you. Would he/she have wanted to see you this miserable (and that too because of an unknown reason that god knows why is making you sad)?  Would he/she like to see you this helpless? Would that lil’ version of yours, want you to die because of your own freaking thoughts?

Just give it another thought. Rest is up to you.

Hope and Fear are both four letter words, but you decide which is stronger.

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Upasana Deka
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