A state of mind or the reality it is? A pain in the heart? Or just the secretion of some hormones in this complex body? Does the heart even feel anything? What is feeling? What is “ depression” ?
“Arushi, time for class” is what she said and took me along with. But did my mind go with me? I just left it at a place where I could not find it myself.
“Arushi, you are not performing well” is what dad said and hung up the phone. But was I over the call or into my world back again? I was gone, far away from the call, far away from a place where I could find peace. Why was it so? Why “me” was my problem.
Sit in a place smiling and revel in the company of people and the next moment you might want to bleed out. Study hard, give your best but then you might feel that you are certainly not up to the mark. Plot your life and then you might just fail. Try talking to someone and end up having a fight. After doing all this, you will reach a place where I am where you feel the heaviness. You feel the heat and you find yourself fighting alone. For the sake of god, fighting with whom? With yourself, with your mind trying to keep yourself strong enough. But for how long? There comes the moment of cessation and you start moving to the state of depression. This is depression if not going by the clinical definition. This is what it means for me.
Life is meant to be happy but then why only a few abide to that. At some point or the other, is everyone standing where I stand today? Certainly, I will find a way out but why it so happened? Can anyone ever understand the fact? When I can’t, how can anyone possibly tell me anything?
Depression is a root to hitches. Ill health comes hugging you for an extended time if you are sitting depressed. Experience speaks, trust me. But then if depression is just a state of mind, how can someone possibly have issues in their body parts? The biological concepts are beyond my scope but some issues are genuinely concerns. Not everything connects to you being sad.
Depression is evil? No, it’s not that bad. It’s good to know that you still feel. It’s good to know that you expect things from yourself and not just others. It’s even better to know that you are so sensitive to some things. On the top of that, this same depression of yours is going to provoke you. What? Heard it for the first time? Indeed, because even I thought it for the first time. What keeps me moving? The point; that yes I am not OK, I am not the best, I need development and I need to fly. It’s Ok to not be Ok. It’s perfectly fine if you are depressed. It’s all fine till the moment you feel it is.
Keep smiling 🙂