The tormenting shadows!

The tormenting shadows!

Though after reading the title some of you may be thinking of unearthly creatures, yet this post isn’t about them. But it’s about people who were as dreadful,if not more as those creatures itself.

Now that I look back at the past I even wonder at times, were they really dreadful or was it just me! Whenever I met them I felt I’m so useless and hopeless. They used to make fun of me regarding how incapable I am. I was not cool! They made fun of me, my dressing sense, my choices of music, books and in totality everything. Or, maybe so I thought. I kept on feeling that uncanny void in me. Always comparing how good they are. These comparisons were painful. I cried.

“Why am I always made fun of? Why me? ALWAYS.”

They even used to laugh when I cried and ape me! With passing time I developed a deep inferiority complex. I was uselessly depressed with myself. I hated being what I was. I wanted to wear an invisibility cloak in front of them. I really wanted to hide from them. The days became months and months became years. I was losing myself.

I realised enough is enough. Years had gone by. I must revive. I started ignoring them. Yes, it was hard ignoring those tormenting looks and comments. But nevertheless I tried. I tried to look beyond these petty things. I tried to look at the world on a much more broader aspect! It is then that I realised what a bum I was being. People with much more serious problems in life were smiling while I was hating myself for some stupid shadows!

Yes, they were shadows afterall! Who they were, how they came into my life didn’t matter. I realised that they were what people usually call society. They didn’t really give a damn about who I really was. What they wanted? They wanted entertainment. I was providing them that by getting affected. They were just bored with their own lives so they wanted some amusement. It is then that I decided that I would stop being their much needed entertainment.

My life has my own goals, own ambitions, own passions. Why should I get perturbed by someone’s comments when I am not even sure whether they’ll stay in my life forever or not. I started to love myself again and as soon as I did that those shadows got blurred in the blistering light of my ambitions.

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Sreemoyee Mukherjee

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