He is standing ten steps in front of me. All I have to do is walk the ten steps and he was ready to hold me, be with me. Yet those ten steps seemed like the longest distance I had ever seen. In front of me lay a beautiful future. A happy future. He was there with a smile on his face, urging me with his eyes to make the right decision. I knew what it was; to be with him. To choose him. Nobody had ever loved me like he had. He held me through the tough times. He was the one who held me together when I was about to fall to pieces. He knows me better than I know myself. He was like a cold breeze that caressed my soul on a hot sunny day.
Anybody who had ever seen us would confidently tell you that I would have said yes. That our love was written in the stars. My heart knew that I would walk the tenth step, say yes and allow him to hold me so that I could lose myself in his warm embrace.
But my mind stopped me from moving ahead. For every one step that my heart wanted to take, my mind reasoned with me to take two steps back. I was afraid of letting myself go, I was afraid that moment I let my guard down he will see me for the person I am and leave. My past, my insecurities and my life would scare him away. And that’s absurd. He knows who I am. He knew my demons and how to keep them on a leash.
As I stand here today. My demons pull me back, they tell me not to go to him. That he is just another heartbreak waiting to happen. I almost let them take me down with them. But my heart knows that once I let that happen the darkness in my life will never leave.
I walk towards him, a battle raging between my heart and my mind. I know my heart will win, because this time I am on its side. I want to be with him, I am fighting my fear of commitment. He is worth it all. Those ten steps seemed like ten miles for me. But I walked. Towards him. Towards our future.
And there he was, with his arms open. Waiting for me patiently. I mustered up all the courage I had in me and muttered a ‘yes’. He wrapped his arms around me. He held me so tight that it was the only reason I didn’t fall apart. He held my trembling body. The decision left me drained. But I had him to hold me. He was there. He knew who I was yet he promised never to leave. And the surprising part was that I believed him. For the first time I believed someone.