I miss you…

I miss you…

I toss into of my bed to out of the window.It’s still quite dark outside. In spite of having such a haphazard week, I could not sleep. Well, maybe because I was supposed to wake up early today. I finally get out of my bed when I hear the rain drops knocking at the window pane. I open the window and let the rain drops enter into my little home, showering me with kisses and watch the beautiful quiet morning. As it’s a Sunday, I don’t think there would be much people outside at this time. I should probably wait for the rain to slow down. After having my morning coffee, I finish all my chores, take a bath and dress up in black. I wonder which color was his favorite? Sadly, I don’t remember.
          I check outside and it’s drizzling. Therefore, I decide to walk instead of taking a cab. I walk out of my apartment and hand over the keys to Mrs. Pinto.
“Hi beta, how are you? Are you going there again?”
” Good morning aunty. Yes, I am going to meet him again just like the other years.” 
” Has the cab arrived?”
“No aunty, I am going to walk down there.”
“Oh, okay. Please make sure to come back soon. The weather does not seem to be sound today for a walk. Call me if you need anything.” 
“Sure I will”. 
I give her a hug, head out of building and start walking. Well, it is a lot more quiet than it should be. 
I keep walking and again reach at the same flower store. I pick up some beautiful red roses this time and hope he would like them.
I can hardly recall the moments spent with him and it hurts me to my core.I wish I could ask you to stay. I wish you had not left like that.
One moment, you were there, by my side and in the blink of an eye, you were gone.
All that stayed were the memories but as  the time passed, those faded away too.

I got so engrossed into my thoughts that I could not realize when I reached there.

Hi, How are you doing? I know I should probably come to visit more often but I still have not forgiven you. I know it’s not your fault but I really need answers now. 
Well, I just came here to wish you. That’s all. 

Tears start rolling my eyes as I put the flowers on the grave. I have bought red roses this time. I hope you liked them. I take a rose and put it on the other grave beside. This one is for you maa and just like the other days I break down and in a squeaky voice I say “happy father’s day”.
I wish you were here for me that is all I wish for. It has been almost 17 years without you and I have to stay alone like this till my last breath.I do not remember anything now except for that accident.
I curse myself for forgetting all those moments spent with you. All I am left with is the blur visions of those times.

I lie by this grave and feel like staying there forever. I feel the drops of rain falling on my face again but I really don’t care. I stay still for a while, replaying that incident that took me away from you in my mind again and again. I lay there lifeless and after a while all I could manage to say is that I miss you..

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Malika-Dhingra

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