The Zone

The Zone

It’s not a good place to be and I least prefer it ,still I end up here once in a while. This place is drab and eerie and oh so alone. Once here I can’t seem to find a escape. I’m helpless here. The place exists inside me. It only overpowers in darkest hour.  I call it ‘the zone’. I’m afraid of being here. It exists inside everybody just that some except it and some deny it.  People are scared to acknowledge it for the Zone showcases their defeats.                Whenever I’m in deeper waters this zone closes in on me and I feel trapped.  Zone pulls me deeper and deeper into its depths till I become the mere mass of nerves. Zone gets triggered whenever I lost the innings of opportunity, whenever the people around me gives me that hopeless look making me feel like some worthless rag, whenever I see someone doing better than me instead of all my efforts and whenever I’m left all alone. Being alone is crux here for the Zone has its roots in stillness of aloneness. I’m very aware of this zone inside me all the time and I dread it’s upcoming. It’s stark black… This zone.. it’s the darkest place in the world for the place has reminders of only my defeats and failures. Zone never allows a glimmer of hope and diminishes any hope I have at all, slowly trapping me in trap of negativeity. Here all the secret grudges patrol around threatening to come up. Here I’m bound to feel the rush of...
Anxiety and talking to my boyfriend

Anxiety and talking to my boyfriend

We are sitting in different cities in our little beds. The sky is lush black and the only light in my room is the flashing light of my phone screen as we text. I ask him to tell me anything. I just want to talk to someone. He tells me about how we could go on a trip together and I wonder if anxiety will leave me alone for  a trip with my boyfriend. Anxiety will probably keep telling me that he won’t like the face that he wakes up to in the hotel room bedroom. That sex for the first time will be clumsy and I’ll leave him unsatisfied. Anxiety throbs inside me feelings of insecurity. It tells me to not call him too much or ask for help too much or text him too much because my too much will push him away to the edge where he’ll fall off from my field of vision and I will be left alone with feeling of a vacant bed and vacant neck and an empty mouth. He asks me beach or mountains? Mountains I say because I don’t want my body to show for him to realise that there are yet options that he must explore. Logic says that he should love me for me but anxiety talks bullshit into me. That night I choose mountains. I choose blankets in the bed and dim light so he doesn’t watch my body and all the traces of my past and my parents shameful inheritance on it.  I feel guilty for feeling shame. I feel guilty for not being good enough...

Hope

This day too ended but my hope didn’t. A hope that you will be back. A hope that makes me dream about ‘us’ again. A hope that makes my heart travel. A hope that brings smile on my face. A hope that makes me forget all my pain. A hope that things will work in our favour. A hope that strengthens my belief on this vague dream. A hope that everything would be alright. A hope that rises and falls with each passing second. A hope that I believe may never fade...
Appearance isn’t important

Appearance isn’t important

“Oh look at that boy” says Priya when Shivam enters the classroom. The whole class turns towards him. Another girl said “Look at that dark complexioned boy”. Everyone started laughing at him. Poor shivam felt very sad. He had no friends. No one even wanted to sit next to him. Many days after a crew comes to their school for an AD shoot and they said that they would be requiring a child for the same. Many children presented themselves for the audition but none of them got selected. Shivam thought “Why not I try for the audition?” He knows that he definitely won’t be selected for the shoot, but still he went and gave the audition. The crew members were quite impressed with Shivam and they selected him. All the children asked them “How could you select Shivam when there were many of us better than him.” The director said “His skin complexion doesn’t matter at all, his skill does matter and I must say that he is very good at acting.” After that incident, Shivam became popular in his school and he was never alone again. Appearance is just like clothing or you can say it is the clothing of our soul. One should not judge a book by its cover. We can’t judge a person by how he looks. But what matters in the end are his character, skill, and attitude. A person who is fair need not be a good person or a dark complexioned person need not be a bad person or vice versa. There are many things that define a person. If the...
Listen to the silent screams..

Listen to the silent screams..

Books, the one and the only source that can change a person’s mindset forever. Whenever I finish a book, I often face a condition of “book comma” where all I do is talk about the characters, try to feel how they felt when something tragic or something great happened to them. In simple words, for a few days, I live inside the book. Recently I read ” 13 REASONS WHY” by ” JAY ASHER” and without even committing suicide, I could relate with the mindset of the victim.Whenever someone takes such step, all we do is star calling them a coward. Sometimes. they leave a note or a message describing why they did it & sometimes, they just leave, without saying anything, with loads of unanswered questions lest behind; without even saying a goodbye, and with the biggest question;WHY?This book helped me to understand that they are not a coward. They probably would have tried each and every possible way not to think about it, not to do it because they themselves loathe this word, this idea. They probably would have tried to smile, to blend in, to be happy and strong but at the end, they gave up. Sometimes, “the smallest bruises or cuts hurt more than a huge injury” and that is what exactly happens with them.What if one day, you go out of your house with an optimist mind, with a feeling to seize the day but when you come back, all you’re filled with is the new cuts. How would you feel and what if this happens everyday?This made me realize their state of mind when they...

May be you can save one life. Go for it.

Maybe it’s because of me, no maybe it’s the situation, no wait maybe he or she is wrong… What if they are right and I am wrong. How many times we keep thinking these things and try to help our self but are not able to because even the correct answer is in our mind, we are not sure of it. In our generation, I have seen a habit of not sharing their feelings with anyone and keep torturing themselves. Remember every night and don’t lie to yourself, is there any night when you sleep without any tension in your mind. I am sure 99.9 Percent that I am correct, the answer is none of you. Not that I am not aware of the real world and talking crazy but talking about your real world which you are destroying “you”. It’s tuff to find someone in your life with whom you can share every problem and every bad memory but if you really go deep to this thought, each one of you have friends, family, life partner and any other relative and I am not ready to accept that there is really not a single person with whom you can share your thoughts. You must be wondering why I am so much concerned about telling you people to share. Do you know where this new generation is going, it will give you a shock towards emptiness and hollowness, which leads to depression to every second person in the society Do you know according to the WHO statistics 2k17 there are 5 crore people in India suffering from depression and...