June 2, 2017
Hello Diary! Feels weird to address you like this. And why not? The last I picked you up was when I was a school going boy of 16. I’m a writer of 21 now. I used to scold people on writing small texts in those 160-characters-per-SMS messages and I often block people now because they send long messages, though texting isn’t that costly on WhatsApp. Maturity seems to have joined me in the journey of five years.
I’ve found amazing people in this journey and I’ve lost them even more amazingly. A three year long relationship is amongst the worst things I’ve survived. But life keeps throwing tiny crumbles of biscuits at you, known as Hope so that you don’t die of its hunger.
There’s one such streak of light before me. A message flashed on my phone.
“When will you propose?”
“I will.” I said.
I’m on Tamil Nadu express, and I’m going to Chennai to attend a fest. Long journey as it is, night before last night as I took my seat from New Delhi station, I started looking for something to read and came across a blog which I felt was full of very beautifully written articles that had raw truth sandwiched in the cheesy words. I couldn’t help but send mail to my new writer crush:
“Dude you wrote truth! I’m amazed. J”
I don’t know how it happened but I received a text from an unknown number.
“Hi! I’m Amrita Srivastava. Thanks for reading my blog and mailing nice things to me! ;)”
“That’s okay Amrita! I’m a writer too and you actually inspired me for a new story!”
So that was how we started talking. She’s 20 and was born on march 13th. She loves to play Squash and Chess. A very confident personality. A vendor came with water bottles and cold drinks. The message in my phone said,” You look like an angry young man in your DP.” I happened to take 3 bottles of Mirinda instead of water. Within half an hour we had shared our Instagram accounts and added each other on Facebook.
“I’m more of a poet.” I stated.
“What! Me too!” She replied.
We came to know that we were similar in many other ways. We both are extrovert externally but introvert from the core. We both hate staying in hotels, talking to people with weak sense of humor and eating rajma more than chhola. We both are open when it is a discussion on sex. We both are virgins.
“Being bold adds to your prettiness.” I commented when she said people often judge her for speaking so boldly about sex.
Night has a time of 2 AM to 3 AM when a person is really honest about his/her life. She shared about her past with other boys and how her heart was broken. I shared my own stories and soon I was asking her about her figure and how I might not be able to ask her out tomorrow as I just left Delhi. She replied being modest as she considered herself not likeable and I told her this was wrong. By the time the train reached Agra, I had told her that inner beauty was rather more important for marriage, and I was a person who’d propose for marriage rather than for relationship, and she found it cute. I showed her some of my knowledge in astrology and told we had a good chance to marry.
“Will you date a girl like me?”
“I was actually going to ask you for a date.” I promptly said.
Yes, the spark had been given the necessary fuel to ignite.
She’s bold. No one talked so boldly to me. Someone who doesn’t feel shy in asking me whether I’m willing to be with her or not. All these years I had been told that girls are the beings who need to be praised and wooed. Suddenly this girl comes and changes the whole equation. By the time I ordered lunch of the next day, I had already texted her,” Being liked is a very beautiful feeling. I love the feeling that you like me.” We both admitted that we had started loving each other.
She told me about the things she went through in the past. Going through those roads broke her down and she said, “I only look like this Tomboy girl. Actually I am very weak and very vulnerable.” And then I spent some time making her calm down. “Do anything Aditya. Even if you don’t feel like, don’t talk to me even for days. But don’t leave me.”
And that’s when I was lost in my own set of memories. First a relationship of 10 months. Then of 3 years. What did I want? Only a promise that they would try their best to hold on. And yet I am here. Alone and shattered. “Amrita I need some time alone.” I texted her as the train just entered in Telangana, late at night. I set the alarm for 7:30 AM and as I lied down my brain was bamboozled with mixed thoughts. Is she the one? Will she stay? Will she forget her past and love me the way she loved then? Who’s to say. I closed my eyes and felt some warm wetness slip through the corners of my eyes.
Today, I woke up and got fresh. The train was approaching the station so I was ready with my belongings, and that’s when the screen showed a WhatsApp text,” When will you propose?”
“I will.” I replied and got off the train.